before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
