Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
