Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
