bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
