I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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