yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
