he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
