That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
