we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
