Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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