I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
