why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
