how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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