Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
