So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
