Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
