my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
