His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
