It was confusing and full of hummus
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
