My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
