I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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