At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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