Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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