I wish I only lived at night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
