we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
