dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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