The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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