Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
