I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
