Dual....:-)
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
