ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
