I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
