I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
