i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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