Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
