The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
