I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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