she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
