just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize