i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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