Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
