I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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