You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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