We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
