I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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