People with herpes should wear stickers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
