He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
