It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
