I am in a vortex of obligation.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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