During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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