Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
