tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Are we still banned from the library?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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