I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He? As in you personified your dick?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
