I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
