I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
