i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just threw up on my dentist
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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