That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
