if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize