Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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