I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
