yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
