There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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