I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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