There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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