It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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