Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
