i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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