apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
